My husband is a trooper. Ask me about seven months ago and I probably would have a whole different story to tell but now I’ve realized I’m damn lucky to have picked him to do this adventure with.
Along with all of the “you’ll never sleep again!” Statements, I also was told I’d hate my husband. Just what every new and excited first-time mommy wants to hear. My thoughts always went to “they really don’t know my husband”. Truth is, Brett is a great guy. This post isn’t meant to be a gush session, but he really is a good catch. He’s laid back and just wants to make me happy. As long as he’s got a beer and someone to listen to him talk he’s happy. All jokes aside, I knew that this statement wouldn’t apply to us.
What I didn’t realize is that the truth behind these words wasn’t just saved for lazy and nonparticipating fathers, which I’m sure would make this period horrifically worse, but this comment actually has nothing to do with what type of man you chose to start a family with.
It has everything to do with you. 
I said it. Sorry new moms to be but this one is entirely your fault. Regardless of what type of father your husband is or what personality types you each have or how much more work you do than him… this is on us.
Seven months ago I would have closed right out of this post and said some choice words. Seven months ago I thought my husband was THE WORST. All of my thoughts in my sleepless head was how could these statements have come true for my husband. See, despite the warnings I never thought would apply to my life, it did. I felt cheated, shorthanded in the situation, and intense resentment. Here we are with this new baby WE brought into this world and I am stuck doing everything. He gets to go to work and come home and play with the baby and go to sleep. Where I have to do EVERYTHING again in the morning.
When the resentment built up and the sleep was nowhere in sight, I’d reach my boiling point and words would be said or screamed more like it. Arguments I would be too embarrassed to ever repeat. I would say the most hurtful things that I never dreamed I would associate with my husband.
This period is HARD. I would say it’s probably harder than the sleepless nights and new adjustment. I needed my rock, my partner. I needed help. The thing is I had so much help. Every night he’d bathe him for me and change the diapers. He’d play with him and carry him around outside while I caught up on everything I didn’t get to do that day. He’d listen to my struggles and tell me not worry. He would insist I’d go to Target to get out of the house or take that extra nap.
My husband did help.
But yet, for these few months when the going got tough, I would only see what he didn’t do. I would see that he wasn’t as exhausted as I was, that he wasn’t as beat down like me. I would see that his life hadn’t changed as much as mine.
This is why I say new mama, it’s your fault. Not your deliberate fault but your hormones fault. This is the part I didn’t realize. Your body isn’t yours during pregnancy but your mind isn’t yours during postpartum.
Let that sink in.
I was lucky enough to suffer for just a few short months. My heart goes out to those who are still suffering. Know that you are never alone and it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help or even an ear to listen. This time is TOUGH. Maybe the toughest thing you’ve yet to experience. You can’t do it alone and aren’t meant too.
I wish I would have had the conversation with Brett months before I did. Communication is what saved us. Communicating when we were level-headed and rested. More so, understanding. It took months for me to realize that he wasn’t the bad guy. That it was the demons in my head making him out to be.
No one, not one person will tell you this is easy. Being on the other side, I can see everything from an outside perspective. Just like you’re looking for your new normal (which I talked about a few months back), you’re looking for yourself. While you’re going through this unbelievable life-changing experience you’re also undergoing an extreme mental makeover.
I’m happy to say we’re in a good spot now. On top of that, I am in a good spot now. I’ve found myself, found my husband, and found my happiness. If you’re still searching for the new you, know that it is coming. Once you trudge through this period you’ll come out happier than ever. If you see no end in site find a friend, a family member, or outside help.
As always I’m here for an ear to listen to. Feel free to contact me with questions or just to chat.